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As serious a topic as Spider-Man vs. The Kingpin is, the subtle complexities of the Sega CD incarnation can be almost completely dissected through an analysis of the pun-tacular main track, “Swing Time.”
A collaboration between the game’s composer, Spencer Nilsen (Ecco the Dolphin, Sonic CD) and Mr. Big vocalist Eric Martin, the song intricately details the heady conflict between Spider-Man and the Kingpin as only a superfluous 1990s multimedia item can. Let’s examine:
Save this city
Save it from the hands of destruction
Innocent or guilty
It ain’t always easy to see
Hangin’ tough, just enough
Slippin’ in and out of the shadows
Every man’s hero
Driven by the sounds of the street
After the surprise joint assault of a riff-accompanied Spidey swingin’ into your face, the song settles into its Saturday morning cartoon-extreme groove and sets about laying out the facts. Having not yet been exposed to the animated cutscene that will follow, the message of the lyrics may be a bit unclear; clearlyit was intended to be subtle narrative foreshadowing.
Right off the bat, we’re confronted with a series of Spidey’s eternal quandaries: saving the city, namely from the hands/sentient tentacles of destruction; affirming his hero identity amongst the citizenry of New York City; generally hangin’ tough, doing what he can–usually it’s just enough.
Now it’s swing time
Flyin’ for justice
Swing time
Take no prisoners
Swing time
Bring on the big guns
Swing time
Knockin’ trouble out
Up to this point, the song’s presentation of plot summary and is competent. Workmanlike, even. The monumental chorus, however–with its misattributed characteristics, and blatant factual errors–encapsulates the awkward contradictions that cover the game like symbiotic goo.
Flyin’ for justice? Fine. A little off the mark, but an acceptable phrasing. Take no prisoners, on the other hand, ventures way out of the lazy but passable lyric zone, especially since the bulk of the individuals Spider-Man would refuse to grant prison status to are unfortunately-misinformed police officers tasked with bringing the web-slinger down. Bring on the big guns makes even less sense, given the hero’s general reluctance to use firearms; the only weapons available for referencing are those aimed at Spidey be said lawmen.
Stop this nightmare
Caught up in the web of deception
I’m hangin’ by a thread
Look who’s still alive and kickin
After barely clawing through a hazardous pair of spider puns, the only pay off is a non sequitur, shamefully unrelated to spiders at all.
Now it’s swing time!
Flyin’ for justice
Swing time
Take no prisoners
Swing time
Bring on the big guns
Swing time
Knockin’ trouble out
After another pass through the chorus, we reach the deep, emotional core. If you hold your hands right up to the monitor, you can almost feel the earnestness radiating out of the words.
Woke up a victim of circumstance
Accurate…
Stung by a force to protect the common man
…OK.
Imagine someone baring the deepest, truest anxieties of his being to you–flooding the sympathetic parts of your brain with a tormenting river of unimpeachable sorrows–but doing so wearing clown shoes and skin-tight leather pants while ejaculating a noodly butt rock solo into your ears. This line is that.
Now it’s swing time!
Flyin’ for justice
Swing time
Take no prisoners
Swing time
Bring on the big guns
Swing time
Knockin’ trouble out
The remaining eccentricities not exemplified through “Swing Time” come across with a colorfully dull smack in the Sega CD-exclusive animated (in the absolute bottom-floor sense of the word) cutscenes. The incarnation of Peter Parker (voiced by Cam Clarke, as is almost every other character) present here is a harmless brand of boring. His alter ego seems to have time-warped in from the 1940s, speaking with the pronounced nobility of a cleft-chinned, hands-on-the-hips-in-front-of-an-American-flag defender of justice.
Nothing, however, is better to finish off a summation of Spider-Man vs. The Kingpin than this little storybook vignette.
