We get it: E3 is busy and hectic and you just don’t have the time to stop and read about all those announcements and things that might have happened while you were kept away by your busy, productive life. It’s O.K.
With the CFD! E3 2011 Picture Show (patent pending), however, you can condense all that laborious reading and text interpretation nonsense into a quick sweep of the eyes over a collection of relevant images, and still be totally in the know!
This week’s fifth installment: The Sony press conference!
ABOVE: Not pictured: a sullen, dejected PSP.
ABOVE: Gameplay, as far as the eye can see!
ABOVE: Well, at least it's only a coup-
ABOVE: "Don't worry, friend! My bow and I shall surely fare better!"
ABOVE: The fire department really loves this guy.
ABOVE: "Same old, same old, right? But…"
ABOVE: "There, we did it. Now shut up forever."
ABOVE: He may be an octopus with a hat, but he'll still cheat you blind without a second thought.
ABOVE: Be wary of the elephant, as well. Heart of a carny, that one.
ABOVE: "You can have the Earth but goddammit, I'm NOT letting you ruin another Christmas!"
ABOVE: I loved that part in Cars when he took out the competition with missiles.
ABOVE: Oh no, each end is just another head!
ABOVE: "HEY I MADE IT GUYS! I'M HERE TOO!"
ABOVE: The evening's first photobomb.
ABOVE: We've come a long, long way from the whale.
ABOVE: *Insert overwrought gasp*
ABOVE: Nineteen years too late.
ABOVE: "…Hi, guys."
ABOVE: "MOVING ON…"
ABOVE: "Work it."
ABOVE: "What I lack in peripheral vision I make up for in dedica-*SNAP*
ABOVE: Helen Mirren NO!
ABOVE: "This building might be comin' down, but I'll still make time to split your nuts."
ABOVE: Say hello to Dark Drake. He's also a clever rogue, but in a smug, douchey way.
ABOVE: Bourne would be proud.
ABOVE: Far, so far, away.
ABOVE: The first two Resistance games were fine, but I drew the line when they threw in those basketball portions.
ABOVE: "Pardon me."
ABOVE: "What's with that salmon shirt, right?"
ABOVE: And Player 3 gets a perpetual loading screen.
ABOVE: "Salutations, nerd collective."
ABOVE: "Great job, Jeremy…"
ABOVE: "…great job."
ABOVE: "Aw hell yeah, Cabela's AND Carnival Island!"
ABOVE: We meet again, my immortal enemy.
ABOVE: Yo…bus, hit that big-ass ramp.
ABOVE: *Insert obvious joke*
ABOVE: "Nobody takes me seriously. I'm a character with DEPTH, dammit…"
"…and the warbly voice of an angel."
ABOVE: "Girl, I don't know what you're into, but…"
ABOVE: "What? Something on my face?"
ABOVE: The real highlight here is the size of his pocket.
ABOVE: $599 US dollars.
ABOVE: Actually, "Golden Abyss" is my favorite…never mind.
ABOVE: I think there might even be a game under that hand.
ABOVE: Intuitive control!
ABOVE: Yo ModNation Racers guy, hit that big-ass ramp, if you would.
ABOVE: Coincidentally, the "Rear-Touch" is my second favorite…never mind.
ABOVE: Here's some technological allegory to wrap your head around..
ABOVE: Ryu's disproportionate hands once again foil the dance routine.
ABOVE: I'd kill for a modicum of this man's joy.
ABOVE: Launching alongside the Vita: Sony-branded pants with jumbo pockets.
(Thanks to IGN.com for the use of their video feed)