You don’t have much time. The Grim Reaper is right behind you, practically nipping at your heels. The only way for you to get out of this mess is to reach the exit before he catches you. In other words, you run. You run, jump and swim your bony ass off.
BoneD: Dead Men Don’t Jump is a Hardcore Platformer that requires quick reflexes, quick thinking and lots of trial-and-error. Much like a certain animated hunt of meat, the levels are designed to put your skills and patience to the test as you leap, run, wall-jump and so on through lots and lots of levels filled with lots and lots of things that can make you dead. Well, more dead.
Allow me to reiterate: BoneD‘s levels are punishing. There’s little margin for error, even in the early stages, and any screw ups can easily result in your temporary death, followed by a trip back to the beginning. Eventually you’ll get it, though. And once you do you’ll get that special feeling of accomplishment reserved for all super-tough games. Of course, merely beating a level isn’t good enough. Especially if you’re a completionist.
Each stage has three medals you can earn: one for finishing, one for finishing it quickly and one you have to find (usually in an out-of-the-way hiding place) and carry to the exit. Again, these are not easy feats but you’ll also feel pretty damn proud of yourself once you finally manage to pull them off. And when you factor in all the levels (nine regular, three special, two tutorials and one “deleted”), that’s a whole lotta medals to earn.
Unfortunately, there are a couple of issues that mar the experience a bit. First and foremost is the wall-jump that’s so essential to the game itself. It works, but the inputs feel awkward. Especially for someone who’s played their fair share of that recent XBLA release involving meat, bandages and a fetus in a jar. The problem I keep having is that I’m used to wall-jumps that require you to press toward the wall, then quickly press away and jump. In BoneD it’s actually the opposite: you have to press toward the wall, then jump and press away after you kick off. This isn’t wrong per se, but it goes against the norm and will most certainly require a lot of practice before you finally stop doing it the wrong way during tense moments. And there are a lot of tense moments.
Second is the length of the levels. They all feel slightly too lengthy. Each one can usually be completed in under a minute, but getting sent back to the beginning each time you mess up when the margin for error is so slim… I just can’t shake the feeling that they’d be a bit less frustrating if their overall length was a little less… lengthy. It’s not that they overstay their welcome, it’s just that having to repeat the same sections over and over can start to wear on you, and since the levels are a little on the long side for this kind of game it can start to feel like a drag.
Even with these sticking points, BoneD is still worth a look. Especially if you love you some tough platforming. It’s got plenty of difficulty to go around, and the constant threat of the Reaper forces you to think on your feet a lot more than most other games of its type. And if you’re the kind of player who has to get one hundred percent in everything, that three dollar investment will probably keep you busy for a long time. Unless you’re one of those people who are inexplicably awesome at stuff like this, in which case it may be over before you know it. And I hate you.
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Things We Liked: Uber-satisfying to complete levels. Even more satisfying to nab all the medals for one of them.
Things We Disliked: Wall-jump controls feel backwards. Many levels take a little too long to complete.
Target Audience: Fans of tough-as-nails platformers. Masochists with a few extra dollars to spend.
(BoneD: Dead Mean Don’t Jump – Developer/Publisher: RBG Entertainment. Available for Xbox 360 via Xbox Live Indie Games. A copy of the game was provided by the developer for review purposes. Unfamiliar with CFD!’s review system? Read our newly revised explanation here.)
